When Opposites Don't Attract
by FairyLightsAndGlitter
Summary: Once upon a time, Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy were best friends. Then something changed. And now Rose burns the letters she is too afraid to send and has built up a life of dangerous whims and bad habits, hoping to somehow put her own shattered heart back together. Scorpius has given up trying, but knows that part of him will never stop dreaming of what could have been.
1. Prologue

When Opposites Don't Attract

From an outsider's perspective, Ron and Hermione Weasley's marriage was perfect. They were opposites but, as stated in Witch Weekly, 'opposites attract'. Apparently it was great that Hermione lived for knowledge whilst Ron lived for Quidditch, and that she was thoughtful and tidy whilst he was a bit thoughtless and very messy, that she adored complexity whilst he liked to keep it all simple.

Rose Weasley, the daughter of the 'golden couple' knew differently, that some traits simply weren't remotely compatible. For as long as she could remember, she'd been witnessing what happened when opposites didn't attract.

Rose's childhood memories partly consisted of lying awake at stupid hours just listening to their marriage break down. The worst part, though, was the next day, when all was still and quiet and her parents tiptoed around each other but shot each other horrible looks when they thought she and Hugo couldn't see and Rose knew she had to keep her little brother distracted with games and toys, trying to prevent his innocence from slipping away prematurely the way hers had. But the next day would be slightly brighter, her parents would smile tentatively at each other, before suggesting that one of them took Rose and Hugo out for the day whilst the other stayed home and 'worked'. When she was really small, Rose assumed that all parents did this; that nobody went out with both of their parents at the same time. It hadn't taken her too long to realise that this wasn't the case. Just like how, at the age of seven, she knew her parent's marriage was not normal, not happy. And that was far too much for any seven year old to know.

When she was ten, Rose realised that the silent angry days often outnumbered the calm days and completely chased away the now almost fictional happy days when both her parents laughed together. And Rose knew that love wasn't supposed to be this way, but she just assumed that after a while this was what happened when opposites stopped attracting. She knew that her parents had once been in love, and the fact that they no longer seemed to be proved that love didn't last forever. Nothing lasted forever. These were all lessons that Rose had learnt long before she should have learnt them.

And then she went away to Hogwarts, leaving Hugo with them and knowing that soon her baby brother would grow up too fast without his big sister to distract him from the sadness that seemed to consume both of their parents when they got that sad, resigned look in their eyes that told anyone who bothered looking past the fairytale that they'd given up on their love. And there was nothing she could do to shelter Hugo from this, or to prevent the growing resentment she felt for both her mother and her father building up, especially when they put on that 'happy couple' act in front of everybody else.

When they were on the Platform waiting for the Hogwarts Express, her father voiced a prejudice against the Malfoy family, Rose was even more determined to befriend the scared looking boy with the blond hair and the father people whispered about. And they did become friends, best friends. Rose was surprised to find that the best thing about being at Hogwarts wasn't the being away from home, but was actually having Scorpius by her side.

Having a best friend to talk to felt amazing, despite the fact that she preferred to solve her own problems and sadness, it was nice to know that she had someone who'd listen should she change her mind. He made her laugh when she was down and she did the same for him when he felt sad. They were inseparable and having him around just made everything happier and brighter.

Scorpius was the only constant in her life as she grew older and her parents grew angrier and sadder and she resented them more and Hugo rebelled and Rose worried about him and her parents shouted at each other all the time and even the rest of the family stopped believing in the power of her parent's love and it just hurt all the time. But then things got kind of strange and sad and worrying and scary... At times he would look at her, and that look would unnerve her because it reminded her of how her daddy had once looked at her mummy on the really good days. And she couldn't stand that look because it reminded her of the impermanence of love and how it eventually broke people. And that was why it scared her when Scorp looked like that- she and Scorpius couldn't break like her parents had, they just couldn't. And that was why she never gave him the chance to break her, or the chance to break him.

That is, until Scorpius asked for more, then used the 'L' word. And Rose quite calmly stated the truth: that love didn't last and that it only broke and ruined people. And he kept trying to convince her and change her mind. And she either couldn't or didn't want to. Yet he carried on asking and trying. And she kept telling him it wouldn't work and never would. Then she looked around at what had been a beautiful friendship and was now not really there at all. And that was how she knew that love ruined everything. And eventually, he stopped asking. And they stopped speaking. And she knew she'd been right all along: love broke everything and love didn't last.


	2. 9th of July, 2025

As she went through her bedroom at home for the very last time, Rose found a box underneath her bed. She hesitantly pulled it out and opened it, hoping that what she found wouldn't be too sad, she didn't want any more emotional attachments to this place than she needed. Soon it would not be home any longer, not for her and not for Hugo and certainly not for either of their parents, though she supposed it hadn't really been their home for a long time.

Looking inside the box, she found it was filled with the old notebooks that had become her constant diaries as she grew up. The oldest was dated 2010 and she remembered starting it with her mother when she was just four years old. Flicking through, she found that most of those entries were silly: they were all just her tracing her Mum's handwriting in shaky orange pen with scribbles drawn at the end that she supposed has been intended as illustrations. These entries contained only the simplest stories of her days, talking about going to see her cousins, or what they had eaten for dinner and how her little brother had just started walking and she wished he couldn't get into her room.

Rose then opened one of the slightly newer diaries, this one was entitled: 'Spring 2013' and contained entries from March to May of that year. Interested, Rose decided to read the scribblings of her seven year old self. As she read through the stories of that year's March she smiled, remembering how innocent it had all been, how happy and carefree she had been until she was almost eight and everything changed. Rose tried to read slowly through the end of March and early April, because she knew that very soon, her idealistic and beautifully simple reflections on the world and life and people would change dramatically. Sighing, Rose turned the page and reread the entry about the day that everything changed:

* * *

_14 April 2013_  
_ Mummy took me and Hugo to play with James and Al and Lily today. It was fun because we played on our broomsticks and I beat James at Chess even though he's older than me. Later on me and Lily beat the boys at exploding snap and then Auntie Ginny helped us all make fairy cakes and she let me and Al lick the mixing bowl after because our birthdays are soonest. I am looking forward to my birthday because Mummy and Daddy promised we would do something as a family and it has been ages since it was just the four of us having fun and I do not know why but I think maybe I do sort of know now because when Mummy came to pick us up Auntie Ginny sent us all upstairs to play because they wanted to talk but me and Lily ran back downstairs to get more paper and the kitchen door was slightly open and Mummy was crying and nodding while Auntie Ginny said rude things about Daddy. It made me sad but when I found Lily again I smiled and we went back upstairs and carried on with our drawings and I made a picture for Mummy to try and make her a smiley happy person and she said she liked it so I hope it worked. And then when Mummy called for me and Hugo to come downstairs to go home, Uncle Harry came through the door back from his job and the first thing he did was give Auntie Ginny a kiss on the cheek and smiled at her like seeing her made his day all happy and I saw Mummy sigh and look away and I think maybe it was because I remember Daddy used to be like that with her when I was really small and Hugo was a baby and I remember that when I was really small Mummy and Daddy were more like Auntie Ginny and Uncle Harry and I know I am only seven so I am not old enough to understand things for real but it seemed like Mummy wishes Daddy would kiss her and smile her like that again like he used to. I wish Mummy and Daddy looked as happy as Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny because I think they would both be more happy people if they were all smiley and stuff together. I talked to Hugo about it but I think he did not understand because he just shook his head and say Mummy and Daddy smile at him a lot because he is good and not as naughty as me and then he laughed and runned away. I am not sure what I can do to make Mummy and Daddy smile at each other for real again but I think I should think of a plan because I do not like seeing Mummy cry and Daddy promised we would all be together for my birthday next week and I want all the people to be happy then because it is not good when everybody is happy except for some because I bet it makes the sad people more sad to see that the other people are happy when they are not._

* * *

Rose put the diary down, mourning for the version of herself that had been lost after that day. She didn't feel the need to read much more of that diary, knowing that what followed was a series of misguided attempts to make her parents feel happy again. She remembered that at one point she had attempted to make them breakfast in bed, hoping that they would appreciate the extra time together and would have a nice conversation. Unfortunately, when Rose entered the room her mother had been curled up at the far end of the large double bed and her father hadn't even been in the room.  
She later found him alone and sprawled out on the spare bed in the guest room, snoring and then angry to be woken up as he complained about his headache. Her mother had entered the room then, shouting that if he hadn't had so much to drink the night before, he wouldn't be feeling so unwell and that his daughter had been kind enough to bring him food and tea and the least he could do was appreciate it. There had been a lot more, but Rose had covered her ears and ran back into her bedroom by then, hiding under the covers and just hoping that maybe they would stop shouting and say sorry and it would all be okay again. Her mother had come in and apologised later, but it was too late by then: Rose was certain that her parents weren't happy together any more and nothing she did would change that.

She closed her eyes as she remembered how at that moment she'd given up on helping them and had instead decided that her job should be to help Hugo, stop him from realising the things she wished she hadn't realised.

After that incident, her parents hadn't argued in front of her or Hugo again. They had, however, taken their arguments to the night, the hours they assumed that no eight year old would still be awake at. Rose sat down on her bed and immersed herself in memories of being small and feeling smaller as she heard the anger and accusations her parents directed at each other.  
From then on, she had started to notice how her parents seemed to be experiencing a strange kind of bittersweet happiness when they were apart, like they were resigned to the way in which things fell apart when they tried and happy to enjoy the times they were apart.

One midnight argument stood out above all others in Rose's mind, she remembered suddenly that she had been so affected by it at ten years old that she had written it down like a script, realising that it was basically the thing they were really sad and arguing about all the other times they screamed about things that didn't seem so big. Rose rifled through the box of diaries until she found the one dated 'Winter 2016' which featured this particular script. It had started off with a lot of shouting, but had gradually become far calmer and more peaceful, both of them painfully resigned to the truth in their words:

* * *

_Daddy: Just tell me what it is you want, Hermione! Tell me and I will do whatever it is I can to make it happen because I am so bloody tired of that miserable face and those eye rolls and the way you ignore me whenever there are other people around!_

_Mummy: What I want?_

_D: Yeah, what is it you want?_

_M: What I want, Ronald, is for us not to be broken. For you to look at me like you used to and for me to feel like I used to whenever I looked into your eyes! I want to feel the contentedness I once felt when we lay in bed together. Together- not at far opposite ends clutching pillows for warmth, but together! I want to look into my daughter's eyes and know that she's happy and not constantly worried that her Mummy and Daddy aren't in love anymore. But unfortunately, Ron, I can't get what I want because it seems that love isn't enough anymore and my dreams are unreachable because I don't want them for the right reasons at all! _

_D: We haven't been like that for a long time Hermione and don't you dare say that it's my fault. And of course love isn't enough, was it ever?_

_M: Yes! Yes love was enough once, Ron!_

_D: Was it? Remind me please, Hermione because I can't remember the last time it felt our love was enough!_

_M: Well I married you, didn't I? Must have loved you enough for that._

_D: What? Are you implying that that was a mistake, then?_

_M: You know it was a mistake! How can it not be when we're like this every night?!_

_D: How can we not be like this every night when we are so miserable together?!_

_M: How can we not be so miserable together when we are the people we are, Ronald? I am everything you aren't and you are everything I am not. That worked at first, remember. I think perhaps that was why it worked!_

_D: I think it was. I think our differences made everything great until our diffrences became so apparent that we couldn't agree on anything. Our fights used to be playful, remember?_

_M: Yes, then they grew bitter and angry and painfully real._

_D: I think everything became painfully real and that's when we snapped._

_M: It did and we did and so badly too. I just loved you so much, Ron._

_D: I loved you too, Hermione. But I don't think love was supposed to be this way._

_M: It wasn't and it isn't. I just don't know what more we can do anymore. _

_D: We can't do anything anymore, I don't think. We'll try and we'll fail so we'll fight and we'll start all over again as we wait for a change we both know won't ever come._

_M: It's just so hopeless now. But I suppose we must take comfort in how much we used to love each other, even if it couldn't last._

_D: It was beautiful, just a shame that love wasn't enough for us._

_M: Goodnight Ron._

_D: Night Hermione._

* * *

That argument had made Rose all the more confused. She had never been able to fathom how they'd both admitted their lack of love, but stayed together and continued to repeat that constant cycle of arguing and ignoring each other and being unhappy. Still, she'd known pretty early on in that fight that they were actually arguing about their very real problems. In many ways she wished she'd never found out the precise reason for their unhappiness as a couple, because it meant she could never shrug off their disagreements with the idea that they loved each other really, because they didn't.

At ten, Rose finally realised that her parents stayed together despite the fact that they'd stopped being in love a long time ago and she'd suspected that it for herself and Hugo. At nineteen, Rose had been told she'd have to pack up her old bedroom because her parents were both moving out to separate new homes without each other. She'd been tempted to ask them how they thought being unhappily married for so long was supposed to have helped either her or Hugo in the slightest, but at nineteen she was just too apathetic to the inefficiency of love despite all the things Scorpius had tried to tell her...


	3. 11th of February, 2027

Rose removed her make-up with precision, taking care to remove all traces of the now smudged dark eyeliner that she had ringed her eyes with so expertly the night before. She picked up her slinky black dress from the floor where it had somehow become a little scrunched up during last night's activities and pulled it on, smiling to herself at how well it hugged her hourglass figure and the way wearing it made her feel just a little more powerful. Finally, she picked up a small bag holding nothing but a spare lipstick and her wand, and blinked at her reflection in the mirror, shaking off the thought that it wasn't she who gazed back at her and then left the flat, leaving nothing of herself but the memories of her that were likely to haunt the still sleeping Muggle man for at least a little while.

Running a hot bath for herself, Rose once again removed her dress and replaced it with a fluffy pink dressing gown. She took a book from a shelf in her bedroom and climbed into the still-running bath, immediately turning bright pink from the almost scalding bathwater. Rose immersed herself fully in the water, smiling to herself as the steam fogged everything up. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way that the heat made her almost dizzy and fogged up on the inside as well. Instead of picking up her book, Rose simply lay back in the water and tried to stop her mind from spinning.

Unfortunately, once the spinning had stopped, her thoughts returned. Rose was a firm believer in the prevention of conscious thought; when the thoughts became unavoidable she generally chose to reflect upon the things she generally did in order to allow herself not to think at all. Because of this, Rose found herself thinking about the night before. It had been fairly restrained, she had simply met up with a few of the other girls from work in a bar in Diagon Alley and a few of them had later gone onto a Muggle nightclub, where she had met a reasonably attractive man and went home with him for the night. It had been peaceful, mindless almost. She supposed that most people would find it odd that 'peace' for her was so often found in loud, crowded anonymous places filled with alcohol and strangers. She found the sex peaceful too, never mind-blowing or especially exciting, just a somewhat absorbing activity that helped her forget herself for a while.

Sighing, Rose picked up the book she had brought in with her. She had just picked it up at random, feeling the need to immerse herself in words along with the water. Without really registering the front cover, Rose flipped straight to the front page without expecting the sudden pang that occurred in her chest the moment she read the handwritten note:

_Happy Birthday Rosie! _  
_I know you have checked this out of the library about a billion times already, but I just wanted you to have your own special copy to make your own messy, beautiful notes and thoughts in! Anyway, have a beautiful day and remember that you are my best friend and I am incredibly happy to have you in my life! _  
_Love you! _  
_Scorp x_

Rose took a few deep breaths and tried to stop herself from crying. He had given her that book for her seventeenth birthday, when everything was still simple and easy between them. She missed him, she missed him so much. Usually she could immerse herself in her mind-numbing activities and it would be okay, her thoughts of him being easier to keep at bay while she read her books and wrote her articles and drank her alcohol and smoked her cigarettes and danced in clubs and wrote her stories and lay under strange men and imagined a less empty future for herself. Unfortunately, that reminder of him, that piece of evidence that the two had been so close, that he had known her so well and they had mattered so much to each other had thrown her off, so right now, remembering the scent of the Muggle man from the night before was not enough to keep her shut up in her little world of denial where everything was okay provided she was busy and distracted.

After she'd forced herself out of the past and out of her self reflection, Rose got out of the bath and went out onto her balcony for a cigarette. She stared intently at how the smoke looked in the late morning sunlight, half hoping that she, like the smoke, could somehow disappear into the atmosphere so easily and effortlessly, leaving nothing but wisps of what she once was behind. They had started smoking together, she and Scorp, he had wanted to experience it and continued because he liked the sensation of filling himself with smoke and then exhaling it gently, he had found it calming. She, on the other hand had maintained the habit because she knew it was bad for her.

Still unable to shake the thoughts of Scorpius from her mind, that night Rose went over to her wardrobe and opened the box full of unopened letters addressed to her from Scorp. He had sent them to her every now and then over the last year, but had stopped about six months ago when she'd made it clear that she wasn't going to reply. Holding her breath, Rose opened the first envelope she saw, which was incidentally his last letter to her:

_Rose,_  
_I get the message, okay? I get that you don't want to reply or have anything to do with me any more and, as much as that breaks my heart, I am going to finally give in and get out of your life._  
_Before I seal this letter and send it to you, though, let me just say that I love you. Yes, Rose, present tense. You have broken my heart in so many ways and I have done a whole lot of things I probably shouldn't have done, but I love you. I love you as my best friend and I love you as Rose Helena Weasley, the girl I have been slightly infatuated by since we got talking on the train on the way to Hogwarts. You made me so completely happy Rose and I would give anything to go back to that, to go back to the days of our constant and beautiful friendship. _  
_If you do, for whatever reason, decide to actually read this last letter, just know that a part of me will always be waiting for your reply. _  
_I miss you._

_Scorp x_

Rose folded the letter and placed it back into its envelope, wiping away the silent tears that were already dripping down her cheeks. She put the envelope back into the box and put the lid on top, before putting it back in the bottom of her wardrobe. Rose then ventured over to her mirror and told her reflection to pull herself together, standing there until the tears stopped and her breathing was regular. Finally, on a fresh sheet of parchment, Rose wrote: "I miss you too", before whispering a gentle 'incendio' and subsequently burning the parchment to a crisp, leaving no trace of the most honest words she had produced in the last year.


	4. 6th of April, 2027

Rose sighed as she made herself a large cup of tea in her small, empty kitchen. She paced the room a few times, marvelling at how such a small space felt so much bigger when she herself was feeling as small as she was at that precise moment. She finished making the tea and immediately took an absent minded sip, scalding her tongue in the process. Rose swore under her breath and then placed the hot, steaming mug on the counter to cool.

As she waited for her tea to become drinkable, Rose took a few deep breaths and then seated herself on the floor against the counter. She wrapped her arms around her knees and closed her eyes, imagining the kitchen growing wider and wider, taller and taller as she grew smaller and smaller before disappearing altogether. She then considered the alternative, visualising the kitchen shrinking around her, herself becoming bigger and bigger until the space could no longer contain her.

She was Alice, following orders from labels on small bottles. Quite literally, in fact, she thought, as she remembered the potions her healer had prescribed her, promising that they 'might help'. They hadn't, but she had taken them nonetheless. Shaking her head, Rose laughed bitterly as she remembered the story that had enchanted her so much as a child. In those days she had wanted nothing more than to fall down a rabbit hole and have beautiful, unimaginable, indescribable adventures in Wonderland. Now all she wanted was to fall down a rabbit hole and simply drown in her own tears, never resurfacing. She couldn't do that though, she had made promises to herself and to Scorpius and she always tried to keep her promises.

Her tea was ready to drink now, so she settled herself down on her sofa and drank it, trying to make herself focus on only the most mundane details, like the taste of the drink and the dreary program she was attempting to watch as it played on the TV in front of her. Once she had finished her tea, Rose placed the empty mug on the coffee table in front of her and then lay face down on the sofa, trying hard not to think of anything. On this particular occasion, it didn't work. After almost an hour of lying motionless and internally screaming at herself, Rose found it in herself to pull herself up into a sitting position, telling herself that she would get up in a few seconds, minutes perhaps.

Rose wanted to do do something, to say something, to be something. But as she remained seated on the small sofa that somehow still felt far too large for just her, she found that it became increasingly difficult even to form articulate, coherent sentences even in her dark, complicated, twisted internal monologue. Eventually, after another two hours of barely even moving, Rose pulled herself up into a standing position and looked at the clock, deciding that it was now late enough to go to sleep for the night. She was exhausted, despite having done nothing all day aside from finishing an article for work and drinking tea and feeling sad.

Rose went to her bedroom and decided that before she went to bed, she would write in the little diary she so rarely used and so regularly rejected. Her words that night were raw, in the hours of intense and deeply sad numbness, it seemed she had temporarily lost all capacity to find beautiful words amidst the broken pieces of her life. She wrote of how she wasn't sure what had brought on the return of the deep sadness in place of the manageably light sadness that she had grown used to in the last year or so, that she knew she had to be the one to save herself but that at that moment she was having trouble just getting through the day without taking all of her potions at once, that she hadn't felt this broken in ever such a long time and that was one of the things scaring her most, she wrote that there was so much she needed to tell people and so many things she needed to fix but that she couldn't even formulate excuses for not doing so, just that she couldn't. Rose then wrote a few letters she knew she wouldn't send, apologising for her absences in the lives of her loved ones and filled with truths and also slightly naive promises to change.

She told her mother that she loved her and would visit her when she was feeling a little better, she told her father the same. To Scorpius, Rose wrote that she loved him and missed him and that she really had needed him today because the thoughts were coming back, but that she had honoured the promise she had made to him and to herself, adding that if she hadn't known him, she had no idea what her life would be like now. She also wrote that she was finding it so hard to cope without him, but that she needed to find a way to fight this on her own or else she would never win. Rose then wrote to Albus, telling him that she wasn't doing very well, that even though it was over two years ago, she still missed seeing him every day at Hogwarts and that she would love to meet up with him some time.

Rose almost burned them all, but hesitated before setting Al's letter on fire. She decided to send Al's letter to him, it would be nice to reconnect with her favourite cousin and it had been too long since she had spoken to anyone outside of her colleagues at work. Rose sent her little owl off with her letter to Albus and then went to bed, taking an extra spoonful sleeping potion to ensure that she would sleep for a long time and without dreams. She wanted to forget all the unsaid things she had told her diary Scorp about, she wanted to wake up in the morning and feel okay...


	5. 19th of June, 2027

They were a beautiful couple, Teddy and Victoire. Made for each other, countless people had said. Many had been surprised at how long the pair had waited before marrying, but as Victoire had told Rose earlier, it just hadn't ever really been a priority, they had only decided to marry in order to mark the fact that they'd been together for ten years and partly because they were expecting their second child in six months time. Rose had smiled at that, she liked their relaxed attitudes to the whole idea of marriage- it made sense to marry someone you had been in a loving and happy relationship with for a decade, rather than rushing into a marriage filled with high expectations resulting in disappointment and sadness.

It was nearing midnight, and Rose sat at a table in the corner, alone for the time being. She very slowly sipped her glass of champagne, as for the first time in a while, she had no reason to get completely intoxicated. She smiled slightly to herself as she watched the newlyweds dance, laughing and clearly whispering to each other as they twirled around the dance floor. It had been a beautiful wedding, and even in all her cynicism Rose had wiped away a few tears. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have a love like theirs, to have that kind of wordless serenity the two so often seemed to share. It was then that she remembered that she had almost had that love, that she had in fact had it for years without ever fully recognising or appreciating it, that she had thrown that love away because she was too afraid, too scared and too selfish and too altogether wrong about everything. She sighed to herself and closed her eyes for a second, talking a few deep breaths in order to hold herself together. Once she'd opened her eyes again, she realised that she was no longer alone at her table.

"Hi Rosie," Albus greeted her, giving her a lazy grin and helping himself to her champagne. Rose rolled her eyes at this, then grinned at him.

"Hello Al, having a good time?" she asked him, stealing her drink back.

"Yeah, this is a really great party! You don't seem to be having so much fun though, Rosie." he answered, looking concerned.

"No I am, it's just..." Rose trailed off, looking down.

"It's just that the love of your life is dancing with a beautiful girl and he looks really happy and you don't know how to feel about that." Albus stated bluntly, giving her a more knowing look than anybody in his state of intoxication ought to have been capable of.

"Yeah, that. Amongst other things." she replied, not wanting to elaborate.

"You know you can fix it all, look at how easily we fell back into our friendship after what.. a year and a half? Yeah, you were able to start again with us, why not with him?" Al asked, annoyingly asking the one question she really didn't want to answer.

"Because things were different with us. We hadn't spoken for ages because I became a fucking recluse and stopped contacting anyone whenever I could avoid it, it wasn't personal, you know?" she laughed bitterly at herself, sighing slightly.  
It had been a few months since she had started waking herself up to the world again, since the day of the scalding tea and the unbearable numbness, and things were working better than she'd thought they would. It was still really, really hard, but once Rose had realised how easy it was to fix things with Al, she found it was easier to fix things with other members of her family too. She was still sadder than she would let on to anybody, but she felt less alone and she sometimes felt a little less numb. It was a start, and Rose was glad she had begun to sort herself out, even if it was just a little bit.

"And with Scor it is personal, right?"

"It's about as personal as anything has ever been, Al." Rose replied quietly, concentrating on her breathing again, not wanting to come undone in front of anybody.

"I don't get it, Rose, you love him and he loves you- why does it have to be so hard?" he was talking unfortunately loudly now, and Rose hoped that nobody else was in earshot, let alone Scorpius himself. Albus Potter had always been more of a believer in love stories and romance than she had ever been, Albus Potter honestly believed it when he told people that everything would be alright, and that it was never too late to start again, and that nobody's dreams were unreachable. Albus Potter was engaged to the girl he had been with since his third year of Hogwarts. Albus Potter believed in the fairytale and the fairytale was his life, the happily ever after well in sight.

"Because it isn't that simple all the time, Al," she replied, smiling at him gently, before getting up from her seat.

"Where are you going, Rose?" he asked, slightly confused by her abrupt exit.

"I'm just going outside for a cigarette, okay?"

"Those things will kill you, you know, Rose Helena Weasley!" Albus shouted in a falsely serious voice.

"No fucks given, Albus Severus Potter!" Rose laughed, walking away from a now sniggering Albus.

Rose grinned to herself as she walked through the reception room the wedding party was being held in, around her were loads of people she knew well enough to smile at or exchange a few words with as she walked past them. It was nice to know that she hadn't been forgotten, she thought, feeling guilty for having given up on all of her family and friends and extended family for so long, for too long. Of course, there was still the issue of her parents, whom Rose was still not sure how she felt about just yet.

Pulling herself from this vague daydream, Rose left the warm, noisy room and was greeted by the cold night air and silence. She lit her cigarette and took a drag, doing what she always did and luxuriating in the feel of the smoke filling her lungs. Rose stayed still and allowed the relative peace to take over, feeling better than she had done in ever such a long time. Unfortunately, this sense of peace was broken just seconds later, when suddenly Rose heard angry voices coming from across the courtyard she was standing in. She sighed when she realised just how well she recognised those two voices:

"What?! You expected me not to come, just because they're technically YOUR family?" shouted her mother angrily, gesturing wildly.

"Yeah! They are supposed to be with me, to stand by me, why do you think you can just-" was her father's angry retort, before he was cut off.

"I think I can just come to this wedding because they invited me, because most of the people here have been my family too for the last thirty years!"

"I understand perfectly, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!"

"Then why challenge me? What was the point in that?"

"Because there's no point in not letting my feelings be known now, it's not like things can get any worse." he sounded sulky now, Rose sighed at how her father had never seemed to outgrow the sulky teenager within.

"But it's not like things can get any better either though, is it? We're divorced, Ron, our marriage had been wrong and broken for about seventeen years, we lost a son to suicide and our daughter doesn't want to know us- how does arguing any more help anything?!" Rose flinched upon hearing her mother say this, Hugo's death had occurred almost two years ago and it was something she tried to avoid thinking about whenever she possibly could because it hurt so much.

"Stop bringing him into this, Hermione! I can't stand it when you do that- when you make out like we could have done something, or we were to blame for it-" shouted her father, Rose rolled her eyes at the irony of it all.

"We were to blame, Ron! He thought he was all on his own, he thought things would never get better, he thought we didn't care for him, or accept him for who he was! And we were too wrapped up in ourselves to realise how desperately he needed us and I hate myself more and more every single day knowing I was the mother who wasn't around because I was too busy mourning the marriage that was doomed to begin with- and so were you, Ron. Our son took his own life because we were too screwed up to know he needed us. Our daughter wants nothing to do with us because she not only rightfully blames us for Hugo's death, but because, as she screamed at me after the funeral, the two of us fucked both of them up for life. We have managed to destroy ourselves and all that matters to us, Ron, every day I am faced with the knowledge that I can't call myself a wife anymore and can barely call myself a mother and it is all because of the way we destroyed it all. You don't need to bring up arguments and hatred anymore, Ron, because every single day I am crippled with the pain of knowing all that I did wrong. I am past pointing fingers and I am past placing blame, we fell apart because we were too different to ever work long term, but we were too in love at the time to realise it. I attended this wedding because it's one of the first good things to have happened in the last two years. It's been well over a year since we properly divorced, Ron, and it's about time you accepted that we will sometimes be at the same events and that we do not necessarily even have to acknowledge each other's presence, if that makes it easier for you." she said all of this oddly calmly, before re-entering the reception room. Her father stayed a little while longer, taking a few deep, shuddering breaths before also going back to the party.

Rose couldn't help but feel the tears cascading down her own face upon hearing her mother's words and the reminders of her little brother's death. Realising that her cigarette was almost completely burnt to the end, Rose stubbed it out and then seated herself on the cold, cement floor of the courtyard and began to cry properly. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her, immediately bringing with them a sense of warmth and comfort. Startled both by the person who must have suddenly decided beside her and by the way she felt about it, Rose looked to her right to see who the arms belonged to, hoping that her suspicions weren't correct. As usual, her suspicions were completely correct, and it was Scorpius Malfoy who was holding her closely and making her feel safer than she had felt in years.


	6. 20th of June, 2027

The next morning, Rose woke up raw. Everything hurt, but for once it was a kind of focused pain, she knew what it was and she knew why it was there and she also knew that she was in charge of it. Seeing her parents fight last night had broken something inside her, and being close to Scorpius had succeeded in breaking more of her. The night before, she had cried herself to sleep as the pain from the broken pieces of her life threatened to consume everything, but this morning she felt like maybe the breaks were a good thing. She had shattered in the worst ways possible, but for whatever reason, this morning Rose believed that rescue was possible, that she could rescue herself and that she could maybe make herself feel okay. She sighed as she sat up in bed and remembered the final events of the night before, after she had finished crying on Scorpius...

_Rose shifted so that they were no longer touching, then looked at him through blurry eyes and almost immediately regretted it; his expression was soft and caring and concerned, but it was also sort of blazing, as though he was seeing more life in her than she had felt in herself for years. Rose shut her eyes quickly, she refused to continue looking at him, she didn't want to once again be mesmerised by his stormy and yet incredibly warm grey eyes and couldn't allow herself to fall back into the warmth and the comfort that encased her when they touched. Suddenly turning away, Rose was about to simply run off; unable to find the right words at that moment and too afraid of saying the wrong ones._

_"It's because of them, isn't it? You refuse to love because of them." Scorpius said quietly just as Rose was about to walk away, taking her arm gently but looking anywhere but directly at her or into her eyes._

_Rose nodded sadly and very softly whispered one of the many truths she'd been hiding inside herself out loud to him:_

_"Partly, yes. I'm sorry you had to see that and I'm sorry you had to see me and just know that I truly am sorry for everything and thankful for everything you've done." she said, not allowing herself to look at his face again, before walking to the Apparation point as quickly as her shorter than average legs would allow._

She was pleased that she'd finally had the chance apologise to him, she'd always deeply regretted hurting him in the way that she had and she hoped he knew that she meant it, that she was truly sorry and truly thankful for all that he had ever done for her. Either way, Rose felt like they'd gotten some kind of closure. Admittedly, it was a highly unsatisfying form of closure, because she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and never let go, but she knew that was highly impractical and that she could not rely on him to put her back together.  
As she'd decided upon waking: Rose Weasley would put herself back together, would save herself and would be okay. Rose Weasley could be strong and fearless and she could fight off everything that had been threatening to defeat her. She was strong and she would be okay and the time for being sad had passed. It was now time for action and for making something of life, for putting aside all of the heartache and starting all over again because she was strong, she was young and she was still completely filled with potential and, more than anything, with hope. In spite of everything, Rose hadn't given up yet and that made all the difference.

At 10 O'Clock in the morning of the 20th of June, 2027, Rose Weasley vowed to start again, to completely re-engage herself in life and in people and in the world. It would all be okay, she knew, because she was responsible for her own rescue and she was strong, capable and fearless. She was Rose Weasley and she refused to give up.


	7. 17th of July, 2027

July 17th 2027

After almost a week of rain, the sun was finally shining again and Rose was almost too hot as she took a seat outside of Fortesque's in Diagon Alley . Rose couldn't help but grin at the unpredictability of British summer time and happily began to eat her strawberry ice cream. She was content to simply sit, enjoy her ice cream and to think of very little. There was something incredibly relaxing about simply watching the actions of those walking past her on the street, of hearing just snatches of conversation, of seeing faces of people she'd soon forget and would never connect with again. She liked that, there was something beautiful about the simultaneous togetherness and separateness of strangers on the same street who would almost remain strangers forever. Watching this little world go by made Rose feel more peaceful than she had done in a long time and she enjoyed every moment of it.

Peaceful moods rarely last for long, Rose knew, and soon enough she saw two people who were to entirely disturb her peaceful state of mind for that moment. Walking on the other side of the street were Scorpius Malfoy and his girlfriend, Catherine Creevey. They were arm in arm and both were laughing about something, almost entirely in a world of their own. Suddenly, they stopped walking and were standing right across from the bench upon which Rose sat. Lowering the brim of her floppy straw hat and pushing her sunglasses up in the hope that her face would be better concealed, Rose finished her ice cream and looked away, hoping they'd go off in another direction in just a second.

After a minute or so, Rose thought it might be safe to look in their vague direction again. She turned around just in time to see Scorpius kiss kiss Catherine on the cheek and then walk away. Catherine stood there for a second or two and looked around. Rose was too slow and didn't turn away in time. Catherine had noticed her and Catherine had recognised her and Catherine was walking over to her right now.

"Hey, you're Rose Weasley, right?" she asked, sitting down on the bench beside her.

"Yeah, I am." Rose replied, hoping there wasn't going to be much more to this conversation.

"I just wanted to say how much I love your articles! I love your reviews so much, they're so honest and beautifully worded and I love how thoughtful they are. I don't know, there's just something really lovely about how you end each piece with a summary of how the product has affected you and when you reflect on what it might mean for future products...and I just love it when you sometimes write those articles about the modern witch and our changing society. Shit, I sound like such a fangirl here! I just think you're a great writer and I want you to know that your beauty articles and reviews are really appreciated!" she gushed, gesturing with her hands every now and then and grinning at Rose. Rose wasn't sure how to respond, she had not been expecting anything like this.

"Wow. I never imagined my articles would have much impact whatsoever, so thank you for reading and enjoying and letting me know, I suppose..." was Rose's tentative repsonse.

"No problem. I'm Cat by the way, I think I saw you at the Lupin wedding, but I wasn't sure how to approach you and then- and then well, things got a bit messy." she said looking a little dejected. Rose realised that Scorpius must have said something to Cat about her.

"Yes, that night didn't end up being one of my best." Rose simply stated, not wanting to talk about how she'd cried in the arms of this friendly, bubbly girl's boyfriend who she happened to have a long and complicated history with. She wasn't sure how much Scorpius might have told Cat about her, and it made her uneasy to know so little. Without realising it, Rose sighed and looked at the floor, wrapping a protective arm around herself. Cat gave her a puzzled look and then spoke:

"Look, I know this might sound really weird, given that I'm probably your biggest fan and I'm dating a boy you have some sort of history with, but you seem like you need a friend or a distraction or a talk or something, so how about we get coffee?" Cat suggested, looking at Rose with kind eyes and a concerned look on her face. Not knowing how else to respond, Rose simply nodded and followed Cat as she gestured to the nearest proper cafe.

What followed were two of the strangest but nicest hours of Rose's year. She and Cat bought their coffees and sat at a table and simply talked. They barely discussed Scorpius or the wedding or Rose's articles or anything that Rose had thought might come up. Instead, they discussed themselves and their opinions on the world and their outlooks on life and their childhoods and their Hogwarts days and their favourite places. It was the most meaningful conversation Rose had had in ever such a long time, and the more she chatted with Cat, the more she liked her. Cat was warm and friendly and confident and there was just something about her that made Rose feel comfortable with talking about things she'd never said out loud to anybody. Cat told Rose about how she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life and how much that scared her, Rose told Cat about the depression she'd only just started to pull herself out of. They talked about the idea of saving people. Cat, it turned out, had been close friends with Rose's brother at Hogwarts and had wanted to badly to reach in and save him from himself last year. Rose felt a strange sense of comfort in knowing that her baby brother really was missed by people outside of the family as well.  
Like Rose, Cat believed it wasn't possible to save someone, that you could love and you could support them, but that you had to save yourself, really. The only time Scorpius was brought up was when Cat said to Rose: "That's the best and worst thing about Scorpius, he wants to rescue everybody".

As the cafe closed, Rose and Cat got up from their seats and grinned at each other, knowing that a strong friendship had just been created. Rose knew that it was weird to befriend the girlfriend of someone she knew she was in love with, but she didn't really care enough to question it. It was time that she, for the most part, trusted her feelings.


	8. 1st of August, 2027

Rose woke up on the morning of her twenty first birthday to a lot of noise in her flat. Yawning and blearily rubbing her eyes, she got out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown before leaving her bedroom and going out to investigate. As she opened the door, she realised that the noise was simply loud chatter, so she calmed down a little, doubting that those who'd broken in meant her any harm. She made her way into her pokey kitchen and found a large breakfast laid out on the breakfast table, along with the smiling faces of Cat, who was quickly becoming a very close friend, Lily and Dom- two of the cousins she'd recently reconnected with.

"Happy Birthday Rose!" they all shouted the moment they saw her enter.

"What are you all doing here?" she asked, confused.

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Dom.

"We're celebrating your birthday!" Lily informed her with a grin.

"Wow, I'd only planned to-"

"Do nothing except stay home alone complaining into a bottomless glass of wine that you've just wasted another year of your life." finished Dom, rolling her eyes.

"Shut up." Rose replied, trying not to laugh as she joined them at the table, sitting in the vacant seat.

"Anyway, we decided it would be nice for you to actually celebrate this year, especially with the weather being beautiful still-" started a calm and grinning Cat, before she was interrupted by a very perky and excitable Lily Potter, who went on to say that:

"We're going to spend the day at the beach before the obligatory family birthday meal at Grandma's but then we'll escape and go out for cocktails!" she spoke very quickly and kept checking Rose's face for the correct reaction. At first, Rose wanted to be her usual cynical self and just tolerate their plans, knowing it would at least mean she didn't have to be alone. But then she started properly thinking about it and realised how lovely it was that her friends had planned out her birthday for her and were trying to make it a good day, she was filled with a rush of affection for them all and suddenly found that the fake grin she'd put in place at Lily's words had become quite real.

"Sounds perfect. And thank you ever so much for this breakfast and everything, you're all so cute!" Rose said with a grin, quickly embracing them all.

What followed was a very noisy breakfast filled with laughter, gossip and what Rose knew her Aunt Fleur would call 'unladylike' manners and behaviour. Rose had been delighted at how well Cat had fit into her little circle of cousins and friends, those she'd been close with before everything fell apart and was now growing close to once again. It was odd, perhaps, that Cat was seeing Scorpius but Rose refused to let this hurt her- Cat was everything Scorpius needed and everything Rose hadn't and probably would never be for him. She wanted him to be happy and she knew that Cat would make him happy.

* * *

Rose went to bed that night with a smile on her face. It wasn't just the fruity cocktails that gave her the warm fuzzy feeling she was currently experiencing, it was also the fact that for the first time in ever so long she felt alive. That day Rose had laughed and danced and sung along to the wireless with three people she cared about more than she thought she cared about anybody. She had laughed and smiled her way through the family meal and, for the most part, she had meant it. She'd even been able to swallow the sadness and anger she usually felt when she saw her parents glare at each other from opposite ends of the table. She loved her family and her friends and felt genuinely blessed that many of her closest friends were her family too. More than anything, she loved that she felt like she was part of something again.

For too long, Rose had existed only in her small flat and in smoky bars and in the arms of strange men, believing that was all she'd ever be from then on. She'd become a dark, empty shell of herself and only now was she rediscovering the girl who'd been lost, the girl she'd forgotten when she'd half-consciously decided to imprison herself in her sadness.

It was still there, the sadness, but Rose now knew that it wasn't all that she was, that there ways out of the darkness and into the light. She wasn't fully healed yet, but she knew that with time and effort and perseverance, she would somehow be alright again. She would never be the Rose she was before everything had truly begun to fall apart, but maybe that was a good thing. The old Rose hadn't been especially happy either, she reminded herself- the screaming fights of her parents had made sure of that, had extinguished any chance she may have given Scorpius to help her break down her own defences... No, she wouldn't be old Rose, she would grow into a newer, realer, more alive version of herself. She would save herself and she would be alright.

It was then that Rose fell asleep with a smile on her face, having completely forgotten that, in her intoxicated state and against her better judgement, she'd agreed to dinner with Scorpius and a well-intentioned Cat the following night...


	9. 2nd of August, 2027

On the afternoon following her birthday, Rose wandered aimlessly around her spotless flat trying to find more things to clean so she could take her mind off what was going to happen that night. Every time she thought about it, Rose got a really panicked and nervous feeling, like butterflies but more aggressive. It was like waiting for her OWL results when she was sixteen and her priorities were simply to work really hard so she could go far far away and start again. She hadn't cared all that much about her NEWTs, though, that summer she'd been too busy ruining her friendship with Scorpius and falling into the self destructive patterns that were to rule her life for the coming years.

Rose wasn't sure why she'd agreed to go out with Cat and Scorpius, maybe it was because she'd been a little drunk when Cat had asked, maybe it was because she felt she owed Cat something for the kindness and understanding and friendship she'd given her, maybe it was because deep down, she really wanted to see Scorpius again. She wasn't sure what she wanted to see, though- did she want to see him all settled and happy or was a part of her hoping she still had a chance of some kind? No, she couldn't let herself finish that thought. More than anything, she wanted Scorpius to be happy and she couldn't help but think she would never be the girl to make him properly happy, Cat was sunshine and so was Scorpius and together they would shine so brightly.

With twenty minutes before she'd need to leave, Rose decided it was time to get ready to go out. After quickly showering, Rose wrapped herself in a fluffy towel and made her way from her bathroom to her wardrobe in her bedroom. It was then that she suddenly began to panic. What on earth was the right thing to wear? She couldn't dress too nicely because then it might look like she was making an effort for Scorpius but she couldn't dress too sloppily because then it might look like she was trying to make it not look like she cared about how she looked for him. And looking like she cared what he thought would be awkward because then Cat might assume something wrong and that would be uncomfortable for everyone. Rose screamed internally at herself to stop thinking so much and just to dress as she usually would if she was going out for dinner with friends, so she picked one of her favourite patterned maxidresses and pulled her red curls into a loose bun and finished the look with beaded flip flops and a few bangles. She didn't bother with make up because she never liked to wear much or any make up in the summer, so looking at her watch she found she had another five minutes before she'd have to leave. Impatiently, Rose continued to pace and panic until it was time to leave.

* * *

When she got to the restaurant, Rose was relieved to see that Cat and Scorpius were already seated, so made her way to their table. Scorpius saw her first and they exchanged slightly uncomfortable looks before Cat turned around and waved enthusiastically at Rose.

"Hi Rose, you recovered after last night?" Cat greeted, referring to the amount of alcohol that had been consumed the previous night.

"I'm fine actually, it takes a whole lot more than that to take me down!" Rose grinned, taking the seat beside Cat, accidentally making eye contact with Scorpius once again.

"Yeah, I didn't think you were too bad- did you get Lily home okay by the way?" Cat asked. Lily did not know her limits when it came to alcohol.

"She was fine, got a bit teary once I got her back to her flat and told me way more than I'd like to know about her sex life, but eventually I managed to get her to drink some tea which I laced with a combination of sober-up and sleeping potion, so she was out pretty soon after that. I did receive an owl from her this morning about her hangover though, so that won't have been pretty!" Rose informed Cat, recalling the events of the previous night.

"I doubt it's possible for Lily to do anything and it not to be pretty, you know. Seriously Rose, what is with the Weasley blood and the production of beautiful people? I swear you Weasleys are the best looking family in Wizarding Britain, not that those snobby polls would show that due to that still remaining issue of pureblood supremacy in the older generation. Honestly, after almost thirty years you'd have thought they'd have got past it, don't you think?" Cat ranted and rambled. Having recently been getting to know Cat, Rose knew that Cat had a thing for causes and that when she got riled up about something or other it was best just to let her talk. As Cat continued her spiel about the snobbery and hypocrisy of the pureblood hierarchy, Rose and Scorpius switched between giving her amused smiles and shifting uncomfortably at their proximity and the fact that their unsaid words were hanging in the air and making the atmosphere increasingly hotter and more humid as they continued to avoid each other's gaze and attempted to listen to Cat, who had just somehow reached the subject of House Elf rights.

For the first half of the meal, Cat led the conversation, requiring Rose and Scorpius only to say a few words and somehow managing to entertain them both. Every now and then, Rose would forget the uncomfortableness of the situation and find herself laughing for real. Unfortunately, that all changed when Cat left the table for a few minutes to go to the toilet, leaving Rose and Scorpius at the table alone.

"So um, how's work?" Rose asked, knowing full well how stupid this small talk felt and sounded.

"Good, I didn't think I'd enjoy a Ministry job, but it turns out it really suits me. How about you? I know Cat raves about your articles and reviews, calls them funny and clever and informative and progressive, but I've never been sure of what it is you're reviewing." Scorpius asked, forcing a pleasant smile.

"Mostly beauty products, potions and hair spells and sometimes accessories, I also try to sometimes discuss Muggle products, which I believe are often better than ours." Rose replied quietly, smiling back very tentatively.

Neither spoke for about two minutes after that, leading to an uncomfortable silence which only passed when both suddenly began to speak. Scorpius gestured for Rose to speak first and she swallowed, hating how this had put all the more pressure on her to say something worth saying or something.

"So um, Cat's lovely, I'm so pleased I got the chance to get to know her," Rose said honestly, half maybe congratulating Scorpius on his choice of girlfriend.

"Yes, she's great and I'm not surprised the two of you are friends. She thinks you're great too, you know." Scorpius said, giving Rose another vague smile before looking down at his empty plate. It was then that Cat returned to the table and looked around at the slightly uncomfortable faces of her boyfriend and close friend.

The rest of the meal was a little awkward, Cat had given up on bringing both Scorpius and Rose into a conversation together and so was carrying on conversations with each individually simultaneously. By the time she'd finished her ice cream, Rose felt more uneasy than she'd felt all night and was relieved when the bill arrived, signalling an end to the evening.

* * *

When Rose got back to her flat, she sighed with relief that the night was over and it had been uncomfortable enough for it to be unlikely for Cat to arrange something similar again. She immediately changed into her pyjamas and took her hair down, choosing to plait it in a long braid down her back. Rose wasn't sure if she felt tired or not, though, so she made herself a cup of tea and curled up on her sofa to maybe watch TV or something. She was interrupted, however, by a knock at the door. Frowning to herself and wondering who it could possibly be, Rose put her mug on the coffee table and went to unlock and open the door for whoever it was knocking. When she opened the door, Rose gasped when she saw who stood there.

"Um Scorpius, what are you doing here?" she asked the pretty blonde boy who stood at her door.

"Can I come in?" he asked nervously.

"Um okay..." Rose replied, leading him into her living room.

"We need to talk." he stated once both were seated on the sofa.

"I suppose we do." Rose replied, hoping with everything she had that the conversation she'd been dreading for years wouldn't be as terrible as she'd always imagined...


	10. 2nd of August 2027 (Part 2)

"So um talking..." began Scorpius, looking at the floor.

"Yeah, would you like a cup of tea or something first?" Rose asked automatically, unable to not fall into her usual avoidance techniques.

"No thanks, I think it's best just to say what needs to be said." Scorpius replied, shaking his head.

"Okay um, would you like to start?" offered Rose.

"Sure. Look Rose, tonight was bad, like really really bad..."

"I know, it was horrible. I didn't know who to be or what to say and it was all just so uncomfortable..."

"Yeah, and I've been trying to think about why that was and I think it's because of how we ended things. I know it was three years ago, but it's still so weird and-"

"Don't say 'we', Scorpius. It was me, you don't need to take any of the blame for how I destroyed our friendship and um everything." Rose replied, biting her lip.

The truth of her words astounded her and filled her with some sort of remorse. She felt horrible about how she'd treated Scorpius so badly and it had never really hit her how cruel she had been to him. It had been wrong for her to have cut him out like she did just because she didn't want to be hurt. If she'd just given him some proper reason for ignoring him, maybe it wouldn't have been so cruel. Her sadness was no excuse.

"Well either way, we do need to talk about why things happened the way they did. So yeah, what caused the ignoring and everything?" Scorpius asked.

"I'm sure you know most of it." Rose was still not ready to verbalise all of the things that had broken her.

"I think I do, so how about I tell you what I think happened and you can tell me if I'm right or wrong? I'll tell you our story from my perspective, okay?" he suggested gently, knowing that Rose had been through far more than she wanted to fully talk about.

"Yeah, okay." she said quietly, shifting into a slightly more comfortable position.

"You've always been tougher than you should have had to be, right? Sad as well, I can't remember a time when you weren't carrying around this sort of heavy sadness around with you, that alway worried me. You developed this hard shell to keep yourself safe from being hurt and you ended up picking not being hurt over being happy because happiness always carried the opportunity of hurt at some point or another. You didn't think love would be worth it because your parents showed you what happened when love ended, but you never entertained the possibility that love doesn't always have to end. When I told you I wanted us to be more than just best friends, you fell apart because you didn't want us to break somewhere down the line so you just decided to cut me off early instead. And then you fell to pieces when you lost your brother and it wasn't just me you cut off, you cut everyone out of your life and you all but gave up. That terrified me, the no one hearing from you thing, I was always so scared that- well anyway, I was so glad when you started writing your articles, they just reminded me that you were still here in some way or another. But yeah, I carried on writing you all those letters but stopped sending them after a while and I still hoped you'd be alright and I was just not sure what to do because you'd made it clear you didn't want me, so that was all I could do. Anyway, when I saw Al and he told me he'd finally seen you and that you were still broken but doing better, I can't explain how relieved I felt about that and when I saw you at the wedding it was so hard not to pick you up and spin around with you all night, but I didn't because I had no words and a girlfriend and I knew you had to be alone, but when I went out for a cigarette and saw you quietly hearing your parents have that argument and I suddenly understood you so much better than I had done before and then you came undone and I just had to hold you because I hated seeing you so sad and I never wanted to let you go but I had to because you're Rose Weasley and nobody should ever make you stay if you don't want to. And then my girlfriend made really good friends with you and I was so confused because I didn't know what I'd do if I were ever made to see you both at the same time and because just the thought of you made me realise that maybe it's selfish for me to be with Cat when I still belong to you, really. It makes me really fucking angry though, being yours, because you aren't mine and you belong so beautifully and entirely to yourself. Belonging to you hurts, being tied to you hurts and knowing I'll never be enough for you hurts even more. It's awful Rose, and the worst part is that it isn't your fault and I sometimes feel like maybe I'm blaming you for things you can't help, like it isn't fair of me to expect love in return and so I don't, it's not fair for me to hope you'll come around eventually because you are you and I am me and you should do things for your own reasons, not for mine and it's so horrible of me to even assume anything, no matter how small. It's unfair of me to be saying these things to you when I'm in a fairly simple relationship with a really clever, funny, pretty and nice girl. This whole situation is so fucked up and I know that maybe it's more simple than we think but I'm not always so sure. I guess it's because we're all people and we're all human and we're all so subject to change and we're all so complicated and messy and we all hurt so much and I just wish things were different. And that's a pointless wish to have and I don't even know what I want to be different." Scorpius told Rose, speaking very fast and looking at her carefully. Rose didn't reply for a while, not knowing at all what would come out of her mouth when she began to speak. She decided to ask a few questions first.

"What's simple about you and Cat?" she asked curiously.

"We both loved and lost Weasleys and we're each other's second best. We have fun together and we stop each other from being lonely. It's nice, easy and uncomplicated and that's exactly what we both need." he said, shrugging.

"Which Weasley? Was it um, was it my brother?" Rose asked tentatively, knowing they'd been close.

"Yeah, he really loved her and she really loved him, but unfortunately love wasn't enough to keep the darkness away, so he ended up pushing her away instead and then um, a year later he was gone." Scorpius said with difficulty. It was so hard talking to Rose about her brother's suicide because he could tell how much it hurt her and it was harder still as he was reminded by how similar Cat and Hugo were to he and Rose, bringing back that fear he'd always had that maybe he and the rest of the world would lose Rose to the dark thoughts he knew she'd had before too.

"I had no idea they loved each other." she stated, surprised.

"I'm sorry you had to hear it this way." Scorpius said, slightly worried that maybe this would hurt her more.

"Sorry? Scorpius I'm happy I know because at least now I know that my brother knew he was loved by somebody at least for a little while, at least he did experience love and at least he wasn't always alone. That means so much more than I can say." Rose replied, wiping a tear away at the thought of Hugo not always being alone, yet hating herself still more for having been too wrapped up in her own sadness at the time to have noticed how much her little brother had needed her.

"Anyway, about you and me and..." Scorpius said quietly, trying to steer the conversation back to what it was they truly needed to discuss.

"Well first of all I want to apologise for cutting you out the way I did with no explanation or anything. I really am so sorry for pushing you away and making you feel like you didn't want me. I did think about writing to you in the year that followed, but then Hugo died and I was filled both with this anger at the world for not being good enough for him to want to live and at my parents for breaking us both and also this sadness that I would lose everyone I ever cared about and so it was easier just not to care if I wasn't going to try. And I didn't want to try again with you any more because I just knew I'd fuck you up more, I'd make you unhappy and I would make you hate me and we would end up bitter and resentful like my parents did- I just couldn't and sort of still can't help but think that best friends should never get together because that's what happened to my parents and they've created so much sadness partly as a result of love not lasting, you know? I just can't be in a relationship with anybody, Scorpius, not now and maybe not ever. I need to sort myself out first, I need to learn to be alone and not lonely and I need to be able to save myself from myself, I can't be rescued by anybody but me-"

"Why not, Rose? Why can't you let anybody help you, I want to-"

"Scorpius, it would be so easy to let you help me, it would be beautiful and simple and you would make me so happy. But that wouldn't last because eventually it would strike me that I was only okay because of you and that would be really bad for us both. Before I can begin to let anybody rescue me even a little, I have to be able to stand strong and alone, I have to be able to need people without depending on them and I have to know who I really am without the sadness that is still a part of me. I can't let anybody help me because I have to help myself. I have to do this for myself and I know that this time I can do it, I just know it, Scorpius. I am stronger now than I have ever been and it's been coming on really slowly in the last few months, but I sort of want you to be the first to know that I don't want to die anymore, that I want to bring myself properly to life, you know? I can do this, Scorpius, but I have to do this alone." Rose said, saying the words as she thought them.

"You're amazing Rose and I can't even begin to say how pleased I am that you aren't suicidal any more. Thing is, I just can't help but want to rescue you, though." he said with a sigh.

"I know you can't Scorpius, it's who you are and it's beautiful, but you do need to know that you can't always save people, people need to want to save themselves before you can help them even a little bit." she smiled.

"So what are you asking for, Rose? Do you want space? Do you need me to be gone? Whatever you need I'll do it." he spoke quickly and earnestly.

"Scorpius, stop. You don't need to do anything at all, do you not understand that? I don't want anything from you at all and that isn't because I don't care for you, it's because I can't be anything for you until I'm ok, and maybe not even then. All I need is for you to understand that I can't be too close to anyone at the moment, that I need to get out and leave everything behind for a while. I need you to know that we can't be friends at all just now because there's too much between us and I wouldn't change that for the world. I need you to let me go so I can be me and you can be you. You need to be with Cat and you need to keep smiling and laughing and looking at the world like it's as beautiful as you deep down believe it to be. You need to be you and you need to stop worrying about me and thinking about me like I'm some princess trapped in a tower that you just need to be strong enough to climb up. There is nothing you can do, Scorpius, I built the tower for myself and I will knock it down brick by brick myself. Maybe one day I'll come back to you and things will be different, but for now I just need you to leave me." Rose said, hating herself a little as his beautiful face crumpled at her words. She loved him, she really did. But she had to do this, it was the right thing.

"Where are you going, Rose? What do you mean when you talk about leaving?"

"I've got a new job as this year's travel columnist, I'll be basically going wherever I like in the world for the next year and writing about it every week." Rose replied with a grin, unable to contain her excitement about the job she'd only recently heard she'd got. She hadn't mentioned it to anybody else yet because she didn't want to make it into to much of a big deal (it was a big deal though).

"That sounds incredible, Rosie," Scorpius said, getting up to leave, "I hope you find everything you're looking for." he finished, pulling Rose into his arms and holding her close for a short while. Rose felt the immediate warmth of his embrace and for a second wondered what would happen if she just allowed him to rescue her. She immediately shook those thoughts away, though, knowing that she was making the right decision. After pulling away, Rose followed Scorpius to the door.

"Goodbye Scorpius," she said, knowing those words weren't enough but having no idea what else she could say.

"Goodbye Rose." he replied, leaving without looking back to see the door close behind him.

Rose shut the door and turned off the lights in her flat, walking to her bedroom and burying herself in sheets and blankets on her bed. She hadn't shut the curtains and was pleased when she sat up to see the full moon and countless stars from her tenth story window. The light was comforting and filled her with this belief that it would all be alright, she would go away in a week and things would change for the better, she would change for the better. She already had changed a little, she knew that. She knew that she'd already overcome more than she'd ever be able to talk about and she knew that she should be proud of herself. And she was, she was really proud of how far she'd come and sometimes she just had to think about that rather than how far she still had to go.

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**A/N  
I would really love it if you reviewed and told me what you think of this story so far. Thank you for reading!**


	11. 9th of August, 2027

_**9th of August 2027.**_

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Rose had decided to start her year abroad the Muggle way, by travelling on a plane. She was first travelling around parts of America and was to spend her first few days in Orlando, Florida, where she would be reviewing Muggle theme parks and tourist attractions, particularly the theme park based on the Statute Of Secrecy's most enormous double bluff of all time. Rose had just boarded her six hour flight and settled down to do some thinking before she started reading the multiple paperbacks she'd packed to keep herself occupied.

The last week had passed in a blur. After telling everyone she'd be away for the next year, Rose was surprised at how affectionate so many of her family and friends were being towards her, her mother in particular. That had really annoyed her, actually. Her mother's attention annoyed her because she only had it because she'd be leaving, if she wasn't going anywhere they'd fall into what had become their regular pattern of duty visits every few months which would have all been awkward and forced and annoying. Her father, luckily, was his usual drunk and irrational self and Rose found herself quite glad of that, which maybe didn't make any sense. It was perhaps that her mother's hypocrisy bothered her and she liked that her father hadn't changed or pretended anything would change. Sad, though, she supposed. She really hoped that he'd get over all the bitterness and regret he still seemed to be carrying around for far too long, she hoped he'd stop mourning the loss of Hugo and instead begin to live in his memory, to start being the man she and Hugo had thought he was when they were too small to realise how broken their mummy and daddy were.

The night before she'd left, Rose had gone out for a meal with Lily, Dom, Cat, Al, James and Al's girlfriend, Melody Greengrass, who was incidentally also Scorpius's cousin, she'd actually been good friends with Mel while at Hogwarts and it was nice to catch up with her. The meal had been nice and Rose had once again been filled with warmth that she was once again close to these people who meant to much to her and that they were there for her if she needed them to be. She had Scorpius too, she supposed, but she didn't want to think too much about him if she could help it. Their conversation had hopefully been enough closure for them both for the time being and she needed to stick to her decision to be okay with being mostly alone for the next year, it was the right thing for her and for Scorpius as well, she couldn't hurt him anymore and if that false hope had been hurting him, she hoped she'd helped it stop.

Looking out of the window at all she could see of the very white sky, Rose felt very calm. It was like the blankness of her outside surroundings at that moment represented her newness, was that the word for it? Yeah, her newness. She could be anyone in these places she was about to visit, she could be anyone and anything and that was beautiful. The chances and possibilities stretched before her and she felt ever so free. She had finally done it, she had finally got out of a bad situation and had found something entirely new, somewhere entirely unknown. She had done what she'd really wanted to do when she'd thought she wanted to kill herself.

Maybe she'd never wanted to kill herself at all, maybe all she'd wanted at that time was to be new and free and to start again. Maybe that was all there was to it, but it was the darkness she couldn't quite repress that told her the only way to be free like that would be to give up on life altogether, that it was life that was making her feel so lost and alone and trapped, not her situation. Faulty thinking, the healers tended to call it, and with the assurance that the potions they'd prescribed would help rationalise those thoughts, they'd sent her on her way. Why she'd ever started taking those useless potions she'd never known, all they'd done was make her all the more paranoid and afraid that the walls truly were closing in. Hugo had taken the same medication since he was thirteen years old, she had discovered, he hadn't wanted to want to die and he had looked for help, it was just that the help most likely wasn't good enough. She wondered if her brother had ever gone to see any of the disappointingly useless mental health healers she'd seen for a while, she wondered if they'd helped or if they would have helped him had he seen them, she wondered if they had made him more sad or if they would have lead to a speedier death of his. She'd never know though, that was the thing with people dying too soon, they left too many questions behind. Rose wasn't able to prevent the single tear that fell from her eye when she blinked, but she hastily wiped it away and hoped that the man in the seat beside her hadn't seen- she didn't want to appear weak even to strangers.

Thinking about Hugo was unavoidable. She'd kind of repressed it for so long that only now was she really mourning her little brother. Maybe it was healthy to be doing something she should have done a long time ago, as with all the things she was only now doing. Perhaps it was right that she let herself think about him and feel sad about him and wonder what he'd be doing or saying if he were there with her. Probably something nice. That had been the thing with Hugo, he had always been such an optimist, always so quick to see the good in everyone and never able to comprehend the bad. He had done only good and said only good and had smiled through it all, cracking jokes and making sure everybody else was okay. He and Cat must have been so perfect together, Rose thought, if only she'd been paying more attention to him at the time she'd have seen them together and that would have been so nice. Hugo had been the epitome of sunshine and brightness and kindness and goodness, he had believed in everything and everyone and he had been so fun and alive. The problem was that he couldn't cope with the ugliness and darkness of the world a lot of the time, it broke him into pieces how badly some treated others, how so many atrocities had happened for no good reason. Hugo had been too idealistic and that had made it impossible for him to cope with the reality that people messed each other and everything else up. Rose imagined that the darkness inside of Hugo was something he couldn't control, she remembered periods of time from when he was just five and would get that anciently sad look in his eyes and would just sit still and silent for far longer than was normal for energetic, smiley little boys. Hugo had been bright and happy, but the depression had been anything but, the depression had slowly but surely extinguished all the light inside of Rose's beautiful baby brother until it was all gone and so was he.

It was then, sitting in that seat on that plane somewhere in the sky, that Rose came to terms with her brother's suicide the year before. He was gone, that was certain. And he had left behind a shattered family that became increasingly shattered once he'd gone. He'd left behind a beautiful girl who shined as brightly as he did and believed she would now only ever know second best. He had left behind the sunshine and the laughter and the beauty he couldn't help but find in the world around him. But he had also left behind the part of him that made it hard to enjoy everything else. To kill off the poison he'd had to kill himself, it seemed. To get rid of the voices that made him think he was alone and unwanted and that all the smiles in the world would never compensate for his daily pain, he'd had to go away for good. That was what he'd written in the note he left behind. And that was sad, so so sad. It was sad that nobody had noticed the signs, it was sad that mental health healers tended to be full of shit and that medication didn't help, it was sad that they'd all believed his smiles and hadn't thought to look beneath the surface and think deeper, that they hadn't even fathomed that the happy boy wasn't completely okay at all.

Rose knew right then that giving herself away to misery willingly had been the worst possible thing she could have done in response to Hugo's death. Instead of letting the sadness win, instead of encouraging her own destruction, she should have tried to fight it, should have felt glad that for her, the sadness came as a response to grief and it wasn't a part of her as it was with Hugo. Of course, she had then gone on to own the sadness, the darkness, but she'd had to let it in at some point and she'd been almost glad to do it if only because it meant she could lock herself away and keep herself safe, if only because she genuinely believed sadness was a legitimate reason to shut everything and everyone out. She had all but let go of that now and right then she was more sure than ever that the needed to get on with fully becoming free. She would do it, she would try to let go of the past, maybe even try to forgive her parents. She would learn and she would grow and she would move on. Enough was enough and it was time to live the life that had been taken from her brother by the darkness without an adequate name over a year ago now.


	12. 10th of October, 2027

_**10th October 2027**_

* * *

Rose had been away for two months when she received a letter from her mother asking if she could come and meet her at her next destination, wherever that would be. For an hour or so, Rose considered picking the most distant and unappealing place she could think of to visit next, simply to deter her mother from wanting to join her. So far, Rose had visited numerous parts of America as both a witch and a Muggle tourist. Her intention with her year of writing about her travels was to encourage people not to rule out Muggle sightseeing and holidaymaking, to show how sometimes it was incredibly relaxing to immerse yourself into a culture filled with creative alternatives to magic. To Rose, the Muggle way of life was fascinating because it was no more or less complicated than the magical way of life, at times it was almost identical and at others it was really quite different. Regardless, it constantly opened her eyes to the fact that very few of the struggles in her world were uniquely magical, even the war so many of her family had fought in during the 1990s drew parallels with a war fought by Muggles during the 1940s. Perhaps if more witches and wizards paid attention to Muggle affairs, a whole lot more would be learnt. Rose had always thought it was a shame that so few students took Muggle Studies and that those who took it rarely took it seriously, after having seen and learnt so much of the Muggle world in the last two months, she couldn't help but think maybe it ought to be a compulsory subject, and maybe Muggle culture and history would be more useful to learn of than the Muggle alternatives to magic that had tended to occupy the curriculum when she'd studied it.

It was as she sat in a cafe in a non-magical part of Rome that Rose realised that without her mother's determination that she and Hugo were to learn about their Muggle heritage from early on, the Muggle-focused parts of her trip would not be anywhere near so successful and her articles would not be at all informative or anything. She suddenly felt a rush of gratitude to her, and so decided that she would not try to avoid her mother's visit but would encourage it, they definitely did have an awful lot to talk about and Rose did almost feel ready to talk. It really was time.

Something about being away and being new and anonymous everywhere she travelled had really cleared her head and made it easier for her to think and to reason and to understand. On the plane she had been on her way to realising that maybe there was very little anybody could have done for Hugo, a thought confirmed after meeting Cat for a weekend in Spain a few weeks into her trip when the two had talked about more real things than either ever had done before. Hugo had known he was loved and wanted and important, but the irrational part of him, the self destructive and uncharacteristic part of him kept defying reason, kept making him think he was worthless and unimportant and that he would never be able to escape the weight on his chest that just kept getting heavier. He had tried countless therapies and potions but nothing had worked for long and slowly but surely the darkness had spread and he was no longer in control of himself, that was when he'd pushed Cat and everybody else away as he tried in vain to keep himself alive. The dangerous part of him didn't want him to accept help and he'd listened to it until he was so far gone that help was no longer an option. Cat was in pieces over him, really, but had refused to let the loss of her happy, fun, loving boyfriend change her, he'd have hated that, she knew. Cat lived and loved in Hugo's memory, knowing how much he'd hate for the loss of his battle to change the girl the real him had loved so desperately. Rose truly was inspired by Cat and couldn't believe how lucky she was to be friends with her. The fact that she was with Scorpius truly made Rose smile, if anybody could keep her sunshine boy happy it was Cat and she was so glad they had each other.

It was strange how mixed her feelings about Scorpius were, or maybe they weren't mixed at all. She just wasn't sure. She loved him more than anything in the world, she knew that. She also knew that he loved her, although she still couldn't fathom why. Perhaps in that respect it ought to have been simple, the love was returned and they would be such a perfectly happy couple, it would all make sense and it would all be okay. Except it wouldn't, sometimes love wasn't enough and Rose was painfully aware of that. Before she could love anybody properly at all, she had to be able to love herself, she had to be at peace with so many of the things that had steadily broken her over the years. Before she could let herself love for real she'd have to overcome the terror that those three words still made her feel. And that was all happening, albeit rather slowly. More than anything, though, she had to be completely okay with being on her own before she could even contemplate a relationship with anybody at all. She also had to keep reminding herself that Scorpius had moved on, she knew he hadn't really, but she had to tell herself he had. It was wrong and it was cruel and it was selfish to even think for a second that he was waiting for her, whether he was or he wasn't. Scorpius and Cat were happy and made sense and Rose was actually completely okay with them being together, that wasn't to say that the thought of never being with Scorpius didn't break her heart, but she knew that she'd much rather Scorpius be happy than anything else. That was love, she supposed, caring more for his happiness than for her own. She loved him, she could admit that much in her head to herself, it was just that she couldn't say it out loud just yet and maybe not ever. She planned to just see what happened, to see how things turned out and changed, she had no expectations really and her sole goal at that moment was to mend herself and she was better at doing that than she'd ever have believed possible.

Nonetheless, Rose was hesitant about seeing her mother properly again. It wasn't just Hugo that had come between them, they'd fallen apart long before his death. If the only thing holding her back from growing close to her parents once again was the shared blame she'd only just let go of over Hugo then she'd definitely have been more eager to see and talk and understand them. No, it was just that she was still really angry at how they'd been when she and Hugo were growing up. It made her furious that most of the time they'd been too busy fighting to notice her or her little brother, she remembered the time she'd fallen off her toy broom and broken her arm and even her noisy four year old tears and screams hadn't been enough to make them notice her. She hated how they'd made it impossible for her to believe love was painful and insufficient when she was so small. She hated how she'd had to grow up and start taking care of herself and Hugo from such an early age because they were both always too distracted with their jobs and their fighting and keeping up appearances to notice either of their small children. It wasn't fair, that was it really. They'd been awful parents and it was actually really hard to forgive that. She may have stopped blaming them for Hugo's death, but there was still a part of her that thought if they'd noticed his scary silent moments and had realised how abnormal that was, maybe he'd have always had the treatment his condition needed. But they hadn't, they'd been too wrapped up in themselves, too busy mourning their doomed relationship to notice how they were hurting the two children they'd brought into the world. She would have to forgive them some day or at least let go of the bitterness that poisoned her thoughts, but she knew it would take more than an epiphany on an aeroplane and a conversation with her friend to get the right kind of closure.

Sighing slightly, Rose pulled a notepad and a pen out of her handbag and, smiling to herself at how pens were so hugely superior to quills, wrote a quick letter to her mother with the details of the hotel she'd be staying at in Greece the next weekend. Seeing her would be difficult, Rose knew, but they'd have to start somewhere.


End file.
